Obsessions
by Arachnoid
Summary: "No matter how close she held him, she couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to run out of that room." (Prologue) Kid's mother has issues and, unfortunately, passes them down to him. Focus on Death the Kid's struggle with his OCD and growing up with a depressed parent.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Okay okay I'm sorry... but I started another story. I'm rewatching the Anime and I just couldn't help myself. D: Don't hate me! 3**

**Also, I noticed no one ever acknowledges Kid's illness as anything other than a joke, so here's a serious spin on it. My inspiration was the song "Obsessions" by Marina and the Diamonds, cause, well I love her, and also that song is stuck in my head. FYI this story is completely independent from my other two.**

**Speaking of which, a quick update on what's going on if any are interested! Just One Wish is not in anyway abandoned, I've just been a lazy bum. (sorry sorry sorry) And not to mention ALL the chapters I was working on got deleted. :( whatevs. Rewrite time! I'm hoping to get the next chappie out in the next two weeks or so. BEFORE EASTER FOR SUREIrreversible is another story, however. (Hahaha I'm so funny, see what I did there?) It also hasn't been abandoned, however I'm rewriting the ENTIRE thing. So if you're a follower of that, as well, I'll tell you guys through a/n in when I have that finished! Sorry I've been so terrible at updating guys. :/ In the mean time, enjoy my new story!**

**Rating: T-M (to be safe)**

**Warnings: Mental illnesses, child neglect, swearing, violence. Sexual content is unlikely.**

**I do not own Soul Eater**

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**Prologue: Wipe the sad ideas that come to me when I hold you**

Exactly 96 hours after he was born, Kid's mother was diagnosed with postpartum depression. She wouldn't look at him, let alone hold or feed her newborn baby. The woman didn't start outwardly showing these signs until she had left the hospital, unable to take care of him. Like a normal infant, Kid cried for milk, diaper changes, bedtime soothing; the whole lot of it, while she just couldn't find it in herself to respond. It was like she... Just didn't _care_. He got sick almost immediately, coughing fits and incessant crying his main indicators. She knew it was bad, knew it could be fatal to a newborn, but was completely apathetic about the situation. With mild concern for them both, she readmitted herself into the same hospital with little baby death hanging off of her, barely 2 days after their departure.

The staff kept watchful eyes on her at all times while Kid was taken care of in another room. Sweet, tender nurses handing him bottles, changing his diapers, singing pretty lullabies to him. Doctors checking him every few hours for a new report on his health. He recovered quickly, his mother's nurse more than eager to share the news. A bright grin and a few words later, and Kid's mother blandly nodded her head, hardly reacting. She wouldn't smile either, just blinked vacantly at the young woman as a sort of dismissal.

They held both mother and child for two weeks until she started to improve. Instead of some pudding here and there, she actually started eating proper food, like sandwiches and soup. She started talking to her councillor and nurses, if only a little bit. Rather then sleeping until noon, she was up at 8, patiently waiting for her breakfast.

"How are you feeling today, Kathryn?" The nurse questioned, walking in with a tray of food. Kathryn turned her attention towards the scrub-clad woman, giving an awkward half smile. The nurse internally sighed with relief; a sign it was a better day then yesterday, when the mother was as still as a statue.

To answer the question, Kathryn shrugged her shoulders up and down, mumbling a quiet, 'better' as the young lady approached.

"Thanks Ruth." The tray clattered lightly on the fold out table, plastic spoons and forks sliding with it.

"You're visiting Dr. Henrie today, isn't that right?" The Lady asked, moving over to the curtains to let some light in; it was a bit dark inside. Despite knowing the actual truth, Ruth decided it'd be best for the mother to share the information on her own accord.

"Yeah..." Her voice trailed off, eyes automatically looking down at the sheets. She didn't care much for her counselling sessions, but anything to 'get better,' right? First, though she wanted to ask... "How's Kid?" Grabbing the edge of the sheet, she rolled the fabric between her thumbs and forefingers and chewed on raw lips; she'd been doing that a lot lately.

"He's doing well, just woke up from a nap." She responded with mild surprise, trying to mask the enthusiasm in her voice. It was the first time in a while that the woman had been, not only looking well, but also inquiring about her baby. "Hardly been crying, probably one of the best behaved in there."

"May I see him?" This time, Ruth couldn't help the gentle smile that spread onto thin lips, giving the mother a quick nod. "I'll let Kid's nurse know." She scurried out of the room, leaving the mother to contemplate the reunion of her and her son after weeks.

Half an hour later and Kathryn was escorted to a separate room, where many other babies sat in clear cribs. Some cried, others wailed, and a few here and there were being fed and rocked by other staff members. With Ruth escorting her, Kathryn stepped around the small cribs to the very far right, where Kid was kicking and squirming in the flannel blanket that surrounded him. He mumbled out some gibberish, tiny infant hand reaching upwards.

Kathryn stepped forward, resting her hands gently on the railing. His eyes were wide open, staring at some point on the ceiling. Amber eyes, just like daddy's, glittered in the fluorescent light as his unknowing gaze shifted to meet hers. She blinked at him.

"Wanna hold him? He's really quite tame." A small, round woman came up beside her, looking at the child as well. Kathryn startled, withdrawing her hands from their position and taking a step back. "I'm his nurse." The older woman smiled, crinkling the edges of pale green eyes. The mother's eyes flitted down to the golden name tag snapped onto her scrubs, "Janice" printed in perfect black letters.

"I-... what if I drop him?" She asked, folding her hands into her stomach as though that could prevent any harm to the infant.

"How can you know if you don't try?" The elderly woman asked, lifting Kid up and out. He mumbled unintelligibly, knotting his fists and tucking his limbs in nicely. Rather than dressing him in the pastel blue the other's adorned, Kid's footsie pyjamas were entirely black with tiny little skulls littered up the entire thing. Kathryn smiled sadly, almost wishing the divorce hadn't gone through. Almost.

Janice held out the little boy to his mother, earning a worried glance from the woman. She hadn't touched the infant in nearly two weeks now, and suddenly she was anxious at the idea of being in charge of the little guy. What if she did it wrong, hurt him? Squished him too tightly or dropped him on the floor?

Wearily, she opened her arms and encompassed Kid's tiny warmth into her chest, snuggling him close. It felt... natural to her, but at the same time uncomfortable and foreign. Like, maybe he belonged there, but was better off somewhere else. She clutched him a bit tighter, holding Kid over her shoulder. He was so... small, so little. Speaking of which,

"Now, he's a bit underweight for a two week old, but he's as healthy as they get." The old nurse watched on with a smile, glad that the child could begin bonding with his mother, if only for a little while. Kathryn smiled lightly, going against the swirl she felt in her chest.

Because no matter how close she held him, she couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to put him back down and walk out of the room, never bothering to return.


	2. Chapter 1

March fourth, three weeks and two days after Kid's birth, mother and son were finally able to return home. Her increased interest in Kid had the doctors comforted, and after a few days of her attentive nature, she was allowed to leave.

However, despite this new forced 'interest,' Kathryn had really just wanted to go home, sick of being questioned and prodded and examined like a test subject, always expected to 'happy' herself up and love the tiny child currently in her arms. It's not that she hated him or anything of the sort, but she did have a sense of annoyance with the boy. It almost felt like he was robbing her, of money, of space, of time. She already had so much to do before he had come, and now she had to handle him, evening classes and work all at the same time while still trying to get a decent sleep. He squirmed a lot, mumbled nonsense and stared at her. He was always _staring_ at her, and she didn't like it. It gave her overwhelming feelings of guilt, anger, and doubt towards herself.

He may not have been as needy as other children, but regardless, he still NEEDED things, and when Kathryn arrived at her front door, she realized she hadn't even bought any _diapers_ yet. _Goddammit_. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she pulled her keys from her pocket and inserted them in the knob, immediately twisting the door open. With his carrier slung in one arm and keys in the other, she maneuvered her way through the frame into the small suite-like home. It had a small kitchenette, with two bedrooms and a bathroom all on one floor. Not like she needed anything else, but then again, not like she could afford much else.

Being a single mother was expensive, and she was on a smaller salary from maternity leave at the Death Factory. She supposed she could always tell Lord Death he _had_ a son and earn compensation, but she couldn't stand to take charity from that man, knowing he would whisk away Death the Kid from her immediately. Not that she really wanted the child anymore, but she didn't want the Reaper to have him either. Didn't want the two to play happily ever after, escaped from the evil witch-mom, to be specific.

She set the carrier down on the kitchen counter, resting the ache that had grown in the place it was settled on her arm.

"Damn carrier." She mumbled to herself. She rubbed the sore spot and brushed a hand through her hair, already feeling the weight of stress falling on top of her. "Just breathe." Kathryn instructed herself, giving her home a quick glance around. It was a mess, just as she left it, but at least no one had broken in.

Her eyes fell on Kid, wide golden eyes watching her, as per usual. Seated comfortably in the carrier, the blanket that was draped over him slid down to his stomach as his arms stretched outwards, wanting _something_. Soother in his mouth, he reached expectantly towards her, giving a quiet whine in the back of his throat.

"What do you want?" She grumbled lowly. Obviously, he couldn't reply, so she just rolled her eyes and moved to the fridge. Opening the creaking ceramic door, she looked inside to find most of the food rotten. "Oh my god this day is terrible." She just wanted to give him a bottle of milk, but it was apparent that wasn't going to work out either. It seemed as though she'd be going back to the store.

Annoyed, she grabbed her wallet and keys once more, ready to walk out the door when she stopped. She could easily leave Kid here and be back in half an hour or so, and that way she wouldn't have to go through all the work of strapping the carrier back in. However, despite her laziness and lack of care, she couldn't bring herself to leave without him. She let loose another long, desperate sigh, turned on her heel to grab the carrier and walked out the door once more.

A whole hour later and the duo had returned, once again pushing through the front door. Kathryn threw her wallet and keys on the entrance table with irritation, setting Kid down on the counter once more. Moving between her car and home, the mother slowly brought the groceries in and put them in their places, leaving the store-bought milk on the counter. With a long depressing sigh, she plopped down into one of the kitchen chairs and rested her head on crossed arms. Kid whined again.

"Do it yourself." She called back, the sound muffled by the fabric of her sweater. She knew he couldn't understand her normally, let alone when she mumbled, but Kathryn _really_ did not want to get up. Turning her head to the side, she looked over at the carrier resting on the counter, thinking about how she would feel if it fell over. It was rocking precariously, after-all.

She pushed up slowly, moving to the left-out milk carton. Producing a bottle from the cabinet, she poured the opaque substance inside before capping it and handing it to her child. He had been kicking his legs out and incidentally rocking the carrier, as though he didn't want to be trapped inside the small space anymore. Pulling the blanket off of him, Kathryn lifted Kid up and out as she helped him hold the bottle, resting his head in the crook of her elbow. She rocked him to and fro, just as she was taught, careful not to make him choke on his lunch.

Her grey-eyes drifted out towards the window, staring at the pretty scenery. It made her feel angry when she was just so... so _sad_ all the time, even though there were so many beautiful things in her life. Like the boy-

Before she composed the thought, she found herself jumping backwards and holding her arms up and out as a cold substance rolled down her shirt. It took her a moment to realize she had released the baby death god and that he was falling to the floor - Fast.

Despite her desperate attempt to right her mistake, Kid fell on the tiled ground with a dull "thunk." The tears errupting instantly, his pained shrieks impossible to stand. Guilt ate at her almost instantly, a heart-pounding fear hammering through her head. Oh god was he okay? She had hurt him, the innocent child that had done _nothing_ wrong was hurt!

She bent down, scooping him into her arms immediately, trying to shush him as she felt a sting of heat at her own eyes. She must not have screwed the cap of the bottle on properly, for her pretty blouse was now covered in the white drink. She clutched his head close to her collar, whispering and cooing to him quietly while rocking him again, trying to quiet his screams. Slowly, she had soothed him back to a calmer state, tiny fists clenching her shirt periodically.

He was okay, calm enough to start his baby garble again in a way of asking for more milk. Kathryn breathed out in relief; she hadn't wanted to cause him harm, but she didn't think that _she_ was okay. She had dropped her baby. She couldn't be okay.

She knew she wouldn't be a _good_ mother, but a _bad_ mother? That was hard to take in.

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**A/N: Hey there friends. I do apologize for the lack of update, but I was a bit skittish with Heartbleed and such. I hope you enjoyed the chappie, reviews and concrit is much appreciated! I'll try to keep a decent update schedule, but just know that at no point will I ever abandon a story. :)**


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